Warren G Appointed To Regulate Wall Street
In an attempt to reign in corruption in the nation’s financial sector, Warren G was appointed Chief of the Securities and Exchange Commission.
Louisiana Blamed For Water Hyacinths Clogging Nation’s Capitol
What started out as an act of kindness turned into utter disaster for Senator David Vitter.
Brain Eating Amoebas Die Off In Mississippi After Running Out Of Food Supply.
For years, Naegleria Fowleri, better known as “brain eating amoebas” have plagued Mississippi’s water distribution system. Finally, it looks like these dangerous organisms have been eliminated.
Bud Light’s “Up For Whatever” Campaign Gives Man Case Of Beer And Kicks Him Into Volcano
Bud Light’s “Up For Whatever” campaign turned fatal again as another man was duped into playing this dangerous game of hedonistic roulette.
After Captain Suffers Massive Heart Attack, Jesus Co-Pilots Plane Into Mountain.
Capt. Salisbury was a devout Christian and always proclaimed, “Jesus is my co-pilot” which contractually obligated our Lord and Savior to fly the Boeing 767 in the event Capt. Salisbury was incapacitated.
Haunted History Tour Robbed By Spirit Of Slain Pirate
13 Tourists got more than what they bargained for when setting out on foot to learn about the French Quarter’s dark past. They didn’t make it four blocks before being robbed by a ghost pirate brandishing a flintlock pistol.
Redneck Transformer Aggressively Asks Facebook Why There Isn’t A Truck History Month
Snuffatron, the nation’s most outspoken redneck Transformer has been petitioning social media for the creation of a truck history month.
As Oil Prices Approach Record Lows, Nation’s Dinosaurs Experience Feelings Of Worthlessness
“Are we worth anything?” asked Nate Horner, a Triceratops from South Dakota. “It’s just heartbreaking that 55 gallons of decaying, organic slurry from my ancestors is worth about as much as a night out at Applebees.”
Watch What Happens When A Microchip From A Roomba Is Placed Into A Self Driving Car
First responders say that despite four flat tires, an overheated engine, and two deployed airbags, the self-driving car weakly rocked back and forth inside the flaming graveyard of bent metal and primordial screams.
Protesting Hipsters Use Beanbag Chairs To Ironically Deflect Beanbag Rounds
Hipsters, hellbent on tormenting the NYPD with irony, protested in the streets of Williamsburg while using beanbag chairs to shield themselves
