Brooklyn, NY – Last night, with the 6th pick in the 2016 NBA draft, the New Orleans Pelicans selected Buddy Hield, a shooting guard out of Oklahoma University.
Shortly after shaking Adam Silver’s hand and walking off the stage, three dozen bones in Hield’s body spontaneously shattered into hundreds of pieces, leaving him collapsed on the floor of the Barclays Center.
This will forever be known as the last known photograph of Buddy Hield as a healthy young man.
Doctors can’t explain this strange phenomenon that suddenly crippled what everyone thought was a healthy, young man. When interviewed in New York Methodist Hospital, Hield replied:
“I don’t know what happened. One moment I was fine, but the second I put on the New Orleans Pelican’s hat, something in my body changed. I took a few steps, and I suddenly felt weak. I started hearing cracking sounds. I began looking around, but then I realized that the noises were coming from…inside my body! That’s like the last thing I remember. Then I woke up in here.”
Hield’s timeline for a full recovery is 28 months; however, the Pelican’s medical staff says they plan to bring him along earlier on a minute’s restriction, so that he can re-injur himself multiple times over the course of the next decade. The goal here is to extend the full recovery time from 28 months to 15 years or the end of his playing career, whichever comes first.
NBA analysts from around the league are baffled by the Pelican’s luck. Usually they will trade for an injured player, not draft one. This horrific injury to Hield could set the team back dramatically. Pelicans officials are scrambling to replace Hield immediately. League sources are reporting that Dell Demps, the Pelican’s GM, has made inquiries about Derrick Rose, Dwyane Wade, and Brandon Roy.