Brooklyn, NY – Last night, with the 6th pick in the 2016 NBA draft, the New Orleans Pelicans selected Buddy Hield, a shooting guard out of Oklahoma University.
Shortly after shaking Adam Silver’s hand and walking off the stage, three dozen bones in Hield’s body spontaneously shattered into hundreds of pieces, leaving him collapsed on the floor of the Barclays Center.

This will forever be known as the last known photograph of Buddy Hield as a healthy young man.
Doctors can’t explain this strange phenomenon that suddenly crippled what everyone thought was a healthy, young man. When interviewed in New York Methodist Hospital, Hield replied:
“I don’t know what happened. One moment I was fine, but the second I put on the New Orleans Pelican’s hat, something in my body changed. I took a few steps, and I suddenly felt weak. I started hearing cracking sounds. I began looking around, but then I realized that the noises were coming from…inside my body! That’s like the last thing I remember. Then I woke up in here.”
Buddy Hield must have been struck by a cosmic sonic wave that was aimed directly at him. There can be no other explanation! That is bad news for the Pelicans! Hey, maybe the Pelicans would be interested in Katt Williams? Just a thought.
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