Liberals, who claim to practice love and tolerance of all people, decided to vilify a powerless dork incapable of shaping the country in any meaningful way. Even though said dork’s biggest impact on society would never be more than sharing a string of regurgitated pro-gun Facebook memes ejaculated into a sea of cyber nonsense, self-important liberals decided he needed to be mercilessly mocked on social media.
These arrogant liberals used their superior language skills that their worthless college degrees afforded them to rip this man’s life to shreds. The man fought back with the limited vocabulary he possessed, calling them terms such as “libtards,” “libturds,” and everyone’s favorite, “sheeple.” Friends and families of all parties involved looked on in disgust at the embarrassing horror show unfolding in the comments section of a local news story.
The Push Pole interviewed the dork’s older brother who remarked, “I don’t know why they were so mean to him. Yeah, he pretends to be a soldier on the front lines of an imaginary armed conflict to destroy the constitution, but he really doesn’t care about the constitution. He can’t even name more than two amendments. Look, the second amendment gives him the right to do G.I. Joe cosplay on our uncle’s lease, and the first amendment lets him upload the pics to Facebook, and that’s where his constitutional interests stop.”
Gender experts agree that self-identifying as a tactical badass allows the dork to make a public statement of toughness by associating himself with society’s most masculine tropes. Masculinity, as everyone knows, plays an important role in gender affiliation. Normally, liberals will respect one’s gender choices; however, they made an exception here. Clearly, they were “butt-hurt” just as the dork had claimed.
The man’s brother continued to vent to The Push Pole, “Yeah, those liberals claim my brother doesn’t feel like a man without his guns, so why would they want to take his guns away and strip him of his gender? They’re supposed to respect one’s gender choices, right? They call him a danger to society because of his guns. Caitlyn Jenner actually killed someone with her car, yet the progressives won’t call her dangerous. They call her brave. You want bravery? Take my brother, a man of below-average intelligence and abilities who will never contribute anything of significant value to society, yet he still finds the courage to think of himself as a noble warrior defending the nation’s freedoms one shared meme at a time. That’s real bravery! To fantastically manufacture that level of meaning to one’s life is downright inspiring. Plus, liberals are all about promoting people to feel good about themselves, well my brother feels good pretending that an internationally sponsored shadow army of gun-grabbers will overcome our nation’s military and invade the United States, and he and his buddies will hold up in our Uncle’s camp and defend freedom at all costs. These self-delusional fantasies keep him going and enrich his life in so many ways. Any attempt to strip him of that seems cruel. Also, some liberals feel like they’re actually keeping the country safe by viciously mocking a man who thinks fluoridated water causes communism. If anything, they should be able to identify with his delusions of grandeur.”
Sadly, the internet gun war has devolved into dorks racing hypocrites to the top of Self-Righteous Mountain, and the collateral damage is everyone else who happens to read one of these memes containing over-simplifications, false-equivalencies, and blatant lies that no one bothers to fact check. We can only hope that intelligent discourse between reasonable men will one day yield a bi-lateral solution to gun violence that encompasses this multi-faceted problem. Until then, be prepared for rampant, online stupidity from all sides.