Schriever, LA – A new study conducted by The Push Pole’s consumer scientists have concluded that the new Neighborhood Walmart in Schriever is equally as terrible as any other Walmart.
However, there are a few minor differences that set this store apart:
They use green paint instead of blue, which automatically makes them more eco-friendly.
The parking spaces are about as skinny as a Bayou Blue meth addict, so you might want to just park in the back if your vehicle is larger than a go-kart.
It is noticeably colder in a Neighborhood Walmart, probably by about 10 degrees, so remember to hang on to the red hot burning rage you worked up while trying to park.
They honored us by dedicating an eighth of an aisle to Cajun cuisine. Rare brands such as Tabasco and Zatarains are now available. Beat that, Rouses!
Smooth move putting the mini red solo cups here. We do like to drink and boil. Well played, Walmart.
Despite the minor differences, Walmart fans will be happy to know that they will still receive the same warm, familiar treatment they have grown to love over the years. Such as: Impending dread when walking towards the store, terrible customer service in an antiseptic atmosphere, and loss of faith in humanity as a whole.