Study Finds Schriever Neighborhood Walmart Just As Terrible As Regular Walmart

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Schriever, LA – A new study conducted by The Push Pole’s consumer scientists have concluded that the new Neighborhood Walmart in Schriever is equally as terrible as any other Walmart.

However, there are a few minor differences that set this store apart:

  • They use green paint instead of blue, which automatically makes them more eco-friendly.

  • The parking spaces are about as skinny as a Bayou Blue meth addict, so you might want to just park in the back if your vehicle is larger than a go-kart.

  • It is noticeably colder in a Neighborhood Walmart, probably by about 10 degrees, so remember to hang on to the red hot burning rage you worked up while trying to park.

  • They honored us by dedicating an eighth of an aisle to Cajun cuisine. Rare brands such as Tabasco and Zatarains are now available. Beat that, Rouses!

cajun 2

Smooth move putting the mini red solo cups here. We do like to drink and boil. Well played, Walmart.

Despite the minor differences, Walmart fans will be happy to know that they will still receive the same warm, familiar treatment they have grown to love over the years. Such as: Impending dread when walking towards the store, terrible customer service in an antiseptic atmosphere, and loss of faith in humanity as a whole.

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32 thoughts on “Study Finds Schriever Neighborhood Walmart Just As Terrible As Regular Walmart

  1. I like shopping there, your in and out. Easy to find what I need. No long lines to wait in, love the drive through pharmacy. Don’t have to park a mile away from the entrance.

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  2. I prefer this Walmart overall the rest. I live in Thibodaux and have lived in Houma. I make sure to go out my way to go to this one when I need anything at all. I find the prices are very good and the isles are wide and not crammed. I am never stuck in a line waiting. I’m always in and out this place. I can’t seem to agree on any level that this Walmart is just as bad as the rest. The parking may be different because it’s not the regular Walmart to find everything you need. It’s mainly grocery and convent for locals. Carry on to the bigger parking lot Walmarts then with more wait time,longer lines,and much more crowded. I know when I go shopping, I like to be in and out!

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  3. First of all I would love to know where your “study” came from. The neighborhood market is way better than the Supercenter and the associates are amazing. I believe you are giving your opinion and you know what they say about opinions, they are like assholes everyone has one.

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  4. 1. It’s green because it’s a grocery store not a super enter.
    2. The parking lot is normal….

    3. It’s colder because it is a grocery store with fresh vegetables so yeah it’s going to colder because it’s a smaller store.

    *rolls eyes*

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  5. I much prefer the new Walmart ,than the big one …… I have been there at least twice a week ,and never had to wait in line,I walk right up to check out ,don’t have anything bad to say ,if anyone isn’t satisfied with the store.,it’s an easy fix……..don’t go ,nobody forest ayone into those doors

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  6. Don’t know about this study, but I received nothing but good feedback,employees are curious and nice. Everyone is always so happy. Not like at the big Walmart,they’re always grouchy and mad. Never enough registers,u can never get anyone to help,ecspecially if that’s not their dept. I love neighborhood Walmart😍

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  7. That is most definitely not everyone’s opinion! I love shopping there. The store is always pleasant and the lines are never long. They have a great variety of products and the staff that I have encountered have been very helpful and friendly.

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  8. Well don’t get too use to it. All they doing is trying to shut local stores down. Once they do they will close this stare down also. Then you will have to shop at the super Wal-Mart. They doing this all over. I do shop at Wal-Mart but I try to buy as much as I can from local stores

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  9. I think people seem to forget your newspaper is a satirical paper and not meant to be taken seriously. Great article and funny as usually. Parking spaces as skinny as a Bayou Blue meth addict… classic!

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  10. I Disagree total I love the Walmart I’m there at least twice a week Cashiers are friendly u never have to wait in line and I find everything I need

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  11. They don’t have most of items we need in the neighborhood..I practically beg them to get the Simply cranberry juice. They run out item fast & stock to three or more days later. The good thing about the store is that it’s near by & very convenient.

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  12. I find this article to be very much FALSE. The market that is in Thibodaux, not Schriever, has very friendly staff from Management down to the Stockers. I have not been back to rouses since the opening of this market and I have no intentions of returning to rouses. We eat very healthy and clean in my house hold, and the Market has just that. It’s always clean, we are always spoken to by staff and greeted while walking in. The store manager always plays with my daughter when she’s with me. So to compare the market to a super Walmart is irrelevant. Your comparing a grape to a grapefruit. They have the same “word” in their names but one is 4x’s the other size and a complete different make up of origin. A “blue” Walmart like you stated, has terrible customer service at times but no where’s near the staff of the market. Sorry but your survey BOMBED!!!!

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    • you do realize this entire website writes satire articles right? None of this is to be taken seriously

      TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS PEOPLE

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  13. Me, I got to complane ’bout finding what it was dat I wanted in dat new Wal-Mart. Could not find the fake colege dagrees anyplace and den when I ask for da’ help, the socciate tole me to get out cuz I was stoopid. Dat is jus rood! I need dat colege dagree so I can be as smart as dem peoples who make dem posts like dem abuve. You don’t know who you is because you is to stoopid to know you is stoopid! Haha! Me, I be gettin’ dat dagree soon! Gonna get it from dat Amazoom!

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  14. I also disagree with this study. When was it done and how many people were polled? I don’t think you should be writing this stuff because it has an effect on the hard-working people there. How do you think their families feel? The Push Pole is always trying to stir the pot.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jacob, we polled 1,438 people over the course of ten days. Our consumer scientists analyzed the data for another week before issuing our findings. We were given a federal grant of $56,500 to conduct this study, and we took it extremely serious. It’s hard to argue with the facts; however:

      This was more a joke about Walmart as an organization and the experience of going there in general, something a lot of people can relate to. We are deeply sorry if store employees are hurt. The people who work there are saints in my personal opinion. What we should have disclosed in our initial article is that the staff in the new Walmart scored off the charts compared to others. It was reckless to not include this information in our report. We apologize.

      It’s not easy working at Walmart (I did so one summer). Most workers are under-appreciated, underpaid, and taken advantage of. Did you know the average Walmart employee receives $4,500 a year in public assistance (that’s an actual real number). People who work that hard and put up with the general public should be treated better. If anyone was to get offended about this article, we would have wanted it to be the Waltons and upper management, not the people working there.

      Judging by the amount of comments this article has received, we did indeed stir the pot. That’s never our intent. Making everyone laugh a little bit is what we shoot for, not alienating workers, especially ones who have to put up with Walmart’s BS. It’s a hard enough job already. Thank you for adding some perspective and humanity by bringing up with workers and their families in a respectful, honest way.

      Like

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