A Schriever man, who apparently lacks any willpower whatsoever, burned through all of his complementary Houma Today articles in less than ten minutes. The undisciplined fool began his day by clicking on a story about a collegiate softball game between Nicholls State and LSU. Maybe it was an accident. Maybe he knew somebody on the team. We may never know.

Next, the man tore through a 32 word article about a road closure in Thibodaux. Even though he has no reason to go to Thibodaux anytime soon, he was still needlessly curious.

Then, the short-sighted dunce spent his last bullet on a story about things to do at Southdown’s Marketplace, an event that came and went the previous weekend. Rookie mistake.

When the wasteful lunatic finally noticed a piece about local bills introduced in legislative committees, he eagerly clicked it, only to be notified that his complimentary access to Houma Today was all used up. The man then went on a rampage, cursing and screaming towards his monitor, which quietly displayed a hot, glowing zero in his direction.

As the business model for print media violently circles the drain, the churning vortex created grabbed this unlucky buffoon by the throat and ushered him into the thrashing void with it, never to be seen or heard from from again.