Berwick, LA – A tiny pharming town located just across the Atchafalaya River from Morgan City stands to lose its entire meth crop if the Morganza Spillway is opened to relieve the cresting Mississippi River.
Dozens of cozy mom-and-pop laboratories, which produce pharmaceutical grade methamphetamine, are quietly nestled throughout the swamps and wetlands just outside of town. These family-run businesses could be entirely wiped out by flood waters that officials say could reach them sometime next week.
Berwick officials have petitioned the federal government to allow for lab owners, cooks, and even distributors to be able to file for small business loans and federal assistance should the controlled flooding in the Atchafalaya basin destroy their way of life.
Local cook, Blandyn Boudreaux, told The Push Pole:
We’ve ramped up production in the wake of the encroaching floodwaters. We’re working twenty four hours a day to get out as much meth before that wave hits. The entire region is depending on us. Without us, truckers might have to start sleeping. Dentists would be left unchallenged. The entire sweatpants industry could collapse. I’m talking complete pandemonium. That’s why I’ve been working for 93 hours straight. Sometimes a little raspy leprechaun voice inside my heads tells me to take a break. He tells me to go rest under that giant giraffe over there playing that saxophone, but I’m like, ‘No way lil dude! My community needs me! I’ll sleep when I’m dead…which shouldn’t be too much longer now.’
THE PUSH POLE 
This is truly a tragedy and I hope those poor people get the assistance they deserve as valued merchants of the local Berwick/Morgan City community. I don’t know what I’d do without mah meth…
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Even for satire this screams “I was written by a Louisianian”…
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Man, I just don’t know what my life would be like without that pharm! That crop is so good that it makes me think I could be addicted but there is no way I am addicted. Ain’t no way at all I could be addicted. I do know one think though, I need that stuff! Both federal and state government agencies should look into building tall levees around all those pharms, immediately! Man, I can’t live without that stuff, not for an hour! I’m just glad I’m not addicted!
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#prayers
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Uh, do the authorities read this blog?
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It’s satire..
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That has to be the most insane idea that I have heard in my life. What are the powers be thinking???? God sends natural disasters to wipe out things like this.
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Satire, this ain’t real. No one should have to tell you that.
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Satire beautifully done.
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O crap how long we got??
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Open it up every month
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#MethHeadLivesMatter
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Hell, yeah! That’s why we got to build the levees and protect those pharms! I need that stuff!!! This is not my real name…just so you know.
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#TweakerLivesMatter
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We do need donations, please send all left over Sudafed to John John call 1 800 228 9614 he gonna send someone to pick it up. Thank you.
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Us army gave it to the soldiers in World War 1 and World War 2 for them to fight longer and harder so it must be something good. High speed chicken feed!!!!!##’ Hitler – came up with it for the soldiers then us gave it the soldiers in Vietnam in the 70s! !!!!!!###
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And the Japaneese fighter pilots did meth to amp up before suicide missions back in the world war
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Yo, John John! I volunteer to pick up the donated Sudafed. How about a small portion of future product as payment for sweat equity? I’m telling you baby, I’m sweating!
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Reading some of these replies just proves how far you can pull a jackass without a rope !
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