Thousands Of History Buffs Magically Appear After City Council Votes To Remove Confederate Monuments

lee circle

If you’re a history buff, I’ve got some exciting news for you: You’re no longer alone here in South Louisiana. That’s right! You’re now surrounded by thousands of people who suddenly appreciate and passionately uphold your scholarly pursuits.

The same guy who thought history was a joke in high school is now on the internet defending it. You thought he was just a dumb meathead, but just check him out in the comments section. He’s like a modern day Herodotus, eloquently informing his fellow citizens about the importance of historical preservation. I wonder what caused our community to suddenly be interested in the days of yore.

In a completely unrelated coincidence, it looks like the New Orleans City Council has decided to remove confederate monuments from Lee Circle. Since we are coincidentally experiencing a spike in historical interest down here on the bayou, The Push Pole decided to interview some of our local historians to get their takes on this issue.

random woman

Look, taking down the monuments won’t change anything or erase history. So please don’t take them down or we might lose our history!

dad man good

I always said, blacks need to stop bringing up slavery all the time. It was a long time ago. Why can’t they just move on and forget about it? But then they wanted to move on and get rid of these confederate statues, and I was all like, “Things that happened a long time ago are still important. You shouldn’t forget about them!”

wierd dude

This country is a farce. How can these non-Americans take away my rights? How can these elected officials use current laws to displace monuments that a majority of their constituents find offensive? What ever happened to democracy!?

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Every single statue, street name, and parish needs to be renamed. Even though I just moved here from up north, I’m as offended as anyone else by these racist icons. Please follow me on Twitter.

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What a waste of time. The removal of the statues is purely symbolic. It means nothing!… So please leave the symbols standing. They mean so much to me!

 

random dad profile pic

The council should be bringing up black-on-black crime instead. That’s what I do when I don’t want to debate the issue at hand.

rando girl

Look, I don’t even know where Lee Circle is, I can’t even spell Buregard, and I didn’t even know these monuments existed until a few months ago, but now I feel a deep attachment to these statues for reasons I really don’t want to explore.

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Racism isn’t inside monuments. It’s inside peoples’ souls. Totally unrelated: I get to tell black people what they’re allowed to be offended by. 

The Push Pole also caught up with some uneducated citizens who didn’t value history at all and asked them about their opinions. Here is what they had to say:

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Wait, since the monuments have nothing to do with racism, how come nobody builds statues of Confederate Generals anymore?

hippie-stoner

You talking about that big metal dude in the roundabout down the street from the Superdome? I thought that was supposed to be Clint Eastwood doing the Macarena.

random dude2

Oh these Confederate monuments don’t phase me at all. Knock them down or hang Christmas lights from them for all I care. We don’t need a statue to remind us of this country’s racism. We have the comments section for that. 

lady

Wait, wasn’t the vote to remove the monuments also part of history? Wasn’t that historic!? Why are people trying to destroy that? Does history also involve actions or is it just about leaving statues in the same place forever?

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Since people are angry about destroying history, how about we leave the monuments but put a giant statue of the 44th President (Obama) in Lee Circle too, to show how far this nation has come. That should make the history fans very happy, right?

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Sometimes, I look at the old statues and think they’re kind of neat, but if they’re bothering people, I guess they can take them down if they want. Who cares. I’m a merman.

blank look

General Lee only fought for the South because he couldn’t picture himself killing his own countrymen, so he ended up killing thousands of Union troops who he didn’t really consider his countrymen instead. General Bearegard ended up fighting for equal rights after the war, that is until a group of paramilitary white supremacists stormed the city and “took back their country.” or whatever. The Liberty Monument is dedicated to that event. And of course Jefferson Davis was a gigantic turd who thought black people were sub-human. I say at least just throw the Liberty Monument into the gulf to use as an artificial reef to protect against storm surges, but what do I know. I think I read a book or something.

random ddue

I don’t need statues to learn about history. It’s not like you put a quarter in their mouth and they tell you what happened. Or do they? No, seriously, do they? I’m going try that and see what happens.

angry old man 2

I think you should take down whatever statue you’re talking about and replace it with a statue of me not caring about any of this. 

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Thousands Of History Buffs Magically Appear After City Council Votes To Remove Confederate Monuments

  1. I’m witht the “uneducated” people, but I’m sure there are some “educated” people in New Orleans that aren’t bigots. I’m presently in China, and I see similarities with the Politburo’s rewritten/mythological version of history. You know they worship Mao here, say that 30% of his decisions weren’t good and deny he was responsible for 70 million deaths of Chinese. 460,000 “intellectuals” were buried alive per his orders, and he bragged about having topped the 460 buried alive under one of the ancient emperors. Since Louisiana almost elected David Duke, and will provide a lot of Trump’s votes, the comments by the “educated” come as no surprise. They’d welcome with open arms a Hitler, Mao or Xi.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Me, I ben tinkin’ on dis subgict a lot dis mournin’. I wisht tings wazn’t so bad that so meny peeple was so upsetted and ben so upsetted for so long. It’z been way two long for so meny of da’ peeples to be dat upset! I tought wen dat King Rodney sed, “Caint we all be friens” dat sumthen wood change but it ain’t got no betta, dats for dang sure. Scuse my curse dere, I ben upsetted bout dis. It makes me so sad. I bet yu can tell I ben practisin’ my spellen!

    Like

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