Tuscaloosa, AL – University officials were forced to evacuate Bryant-Denny Stadium only hours before tonight’s kickoff versus LSU. Alabama security forces are currently scrambling to identify a mysterious object that somehow made its way onto the field. Authorities have currently paged the state’s top explosive expert and are hoping he finds a pay phone as quickly as possible.
When word spread about the unidentified object, fears from a biological weapon to an explosive device terrified officials. The state police is currently waiting on the local Walgreens to develop multiple photos of the device, so they can be mailed out to The Department Of Homeland Security.
Alabama Governor Robert Bentley issued this statement:
We are taking every precaution necessary to deal with this possible threat. Until we can identify, neutralize, and remove this suspicious machine, we cannot let anyone back into the stadium. We have even requested the help of the Mississippi State Police, but they were also unable to provide any information on the object. Until we know what we are dealing with, we will not put any more lives in jeopardy. This object is foreign, obviously complex, and could pose a significant risk to human life.