Point Aux Chenes, LA — Authorities from DHH (Department of Health and Hospitals) recently discovered Naegleria Fowleri, a brain eating-amoeba in Point Aux Chenes.
His name was Dave, and he was peacefully living in a dead-end line at the end of Island Road. He, like most of the brave locals, refused to evacuate this inhospitable environment and had to be taken out by force. Dave is currently being held in a Baton Rouge lab without bail.
He did not originate from a water tower, storage tank, or water treatment plant; he most likely slipped into the distribution system during a break or leak and was never killed because residual chlorination levels were too low in his area. With fewer and fewer people living at the end of Island Road due to coastal erosion, water in the distribution system sits longer, leaving stagnant pockets where chlorine levels can dissipate.
Still, residents of Terrebonne Parish were understandably frightened, so to educate the public, here are some facts about brain-eating amoebas:
1.) If you eat or drink them, you’ll be fine. They don’t offer much flavor or nutritional value, but neither does Chilis, and DHH isn’t shutting them down.
2.) As long as you aren’t going around snorting water at the end of a dead end street in an isolated community, you’ve got a shot at making it out this crisis alive.
3.) If you live on a block with enough people to fill half of La Petit Theatre, you’re going to be OK. Something else will probably kill you, maybe the acting at La Petit Theatre. Kidding.
4.) When it comes to being killed by an amoeba, you have a better chance at winning the lottery, which someone actually did in Point Aux Chenes this year. Ok, bad example. Just know the water district is on top of this and will be flushing and chlorinating like crazy.
5.) Do not live in fear of this boogyman zombie water monster. We live below sea level on a neglected, subsiding flotilla of dying vegetation while peak hurricane season approaches. We have enough to worry about.