Nation’s Craft Beer Reserves Left Unguarded As Hundreds Of Kayakers Attend Grand Isle Fishing Rodeo

ride the bull

Grand Isle, LA — Millions of gallons of craft beer were left unattended throughout garages and microbreweries as hundreds of kayakers made their way to Grand Isle for the Ride The Bull Kayak Fishing Tournament.

It’s no secret that kayak fishing and brewing your own beer go hand in hand. These do-it-yourselfers enjoy the challenges of heading into the gulf in small, customized self-propelled vessels in search of the sea’s bountiful harvest. Landing a twenty-pound redfish in a 10-foot kayak is basically just another way to get drunk off your own ingenuity and hard work, which is also the primary reason anyone makes their own beer.

kayak beer venn diagram
This diagram illustrates the vast overlap between these two groups. Source: Scientific Journal of Paddle For Pints.

The marriage between kayaking and craft beer makes perfect sense; however, it leaves the United States in an extremely vulnerable position during major kayaking tournaments. With most small breweries left unmanned, any attack or theft of the nation’s craft beer reserves could relegate the general public to drinking watered-down domestic dishwater beers. A horrific event this catastrophic could send the United States spiraling into a state of anarchy and chaos. Because of this, the Department of Homeland Security is currently reviewing policy that would station armed guards around various garages and craft breweries during major fishing tournaments to protect our nation’s interests.

unguarded beer
Pictured Above: A lonely craft brewery, abandoned for the weekend, leaving our country in peril.

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2 thoughts on “Nation’s Craft Beer Reserves Left Unguarded As Hundreds Of Kayakers Attend Grand Isle Fishing Rodeo

  1. I am smarter than a fish but I might not be smarter than a kayak. Regardless, don’t let the Environmental Protection Agency get near that unguarded beer or they will probably pollute it!

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  2. I HAVE JUST FOUND OUT I AM NOT SMARTER THAN A FISH! AAARRRGGG!!! But I might be smarter than an oar, not a kayak paddle, just an oar. Life is hard!!!!!!

    Like

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