Plaquemine’s Parish officials have hired the Sinaloa cartel to replace the leaky, unsafe Belle Chasse tunnel. Residents of this area have nicknamed the local landmark, “the Belle Chasse car-wash” due to the copious amounts of water that continually leak onto traffic.

The Sinaloa cartel recently constructed a mile long tunnel into a maximum security prison that their boss, Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman, used to escape. Civil engineers for the parish learned that the escape tunnel had better ventilation, less leaks, and a faster commute time than the soggy death trap that Plaquemine’s Parish residents risk their lives in every day.

When Parish President Amos Cormier was asked why he didn’t go the traditional route in replacing the Belle Chasse tunnel, he replied:

The tunnel is located on a state highway, so you can imagine the bureaucratic red tape involved. The amount of people whose palms need greasing to make this happen is unreal. By the time everyone takes their cut, there’s not much money left for actual construction, so we’d be left with a shoddy, crumbling tunnel…kind of like the one we have now. The corruption and danger involved in local politics is terrifying; we figured we’d be better off dealing with a Mexican drug cartel. They’ve shown they can build a safer, stronger tunnel in half the time for a fraction of the price.