Thibodaux, La – Four IPBBs (Inter-Parish Ballistic Bottle-rockets) were set up in Peltier Park and aimed towards Terrebonne airspace on Friday afternoon.
This comes in the wake of Terrebonne’s controversial firework ban. Lafourche Parish officials, deeply concerned about the freedom of its neighbors to the south, plan on detonating four industrial strength bottle rockets over Terrebonne on the 4th of July. This expression is aimed at liberating a repressed people living under an authoritarian regime.
Lafourche Parish President Charlotte Randolph stated:
This is America and we have freedom of expression, and there is no better way of expressing your freedom than by blowing stuff up! We feel that our neighboring parish to the south is infringing on the 1st amendment rights of its citizens by banning fireworks, and we are going to do something about that. We will rain down a shower of liberty and justice for all above those freedom-starved people as they watch in slack-jawed, neck-tilted amazement.
Michel Claudet, Terrebonne Parish President, has stated that any act of aggression against his sovereign municipality will not be tolerated. Intelligence reports coming in state that if Terrebonne is hit with a fireworks barrage, Claudet will retaliate with a ground offensive by releasing thousands of invasive nutria rats into the Lafourche marshes.