HOUSTON, Tx. – Top NASA officials unanimously agreed not to mobilize rockets and crew to deflect an asteroid headed directly towards Earth. This decision came shortly after they began reading the Facebook comments of a Houma Courier news story. The comments in question can be clicked on to enlarge.
The disgusting depravity of human beings hoarding themselves into camps and willfully engaging in disingenuous arguments aimed solely at wanton attention and elevating themselves above their fellow man was enough to convince NASA that humanity deserves the fiery, gruesome extinction headed its way.
NASA Deputy Administrator Charles Bolden issued this statement:
I personally welcome a hellish, molten landscape devoid of all comment sections. After reading Houma Today’s Facebook page, I realize that we were inevitably going to destroy ourselves anyway. Nature is just speeding up the process, and we will not stand in her way.