Louisiana Science Textbooks Blame Magician David Blaine For Disappearing Wetlands

Starting in 2016, Louisiana science textbooks will suggest that David Blaine has been using a powerful magic trick to make the wetlands vanish into thin air.

David Blaine, pictured above, making wetlands disappear with his mind.

David Blaine, pictured above, making wetlands disappear with his mind.

Most science literature addresses dredging, intensified storms, levees, and rising sea levels in relation to coastal erosion, but Louisiana science textbooks will introduce supernatural phenomenon to that list.

Pictured Above: Pages of the new Louisiana science textbook .

Pictured Above: Pages of the new Louisiana science textbook .

Politicians claim that students aren’t learning critical thinking by having all the obvious, over-researched answers spoon fed to them. To foster curiosity and wonder into impressionable children, students will be introduced to the theory of intelligent demolition.

Intelligent demolition implies that a malevolent magician is causing Louisiana’s delicate coast to recede by simply using his mind. Critics argue there is no evidence to support this claim; however, proponents of intelligent demolition insist that there is no evidence that contradicts it either. Not one scientific journal contains an article saying the disappearing marsh isn’t just another one of David Blaine’s magic tricks.

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3 thoughts on “Louisiana Science Textbooks Blame Magician David Blaine For Disappearing Wetlands

  1. Intelligent demolition, yes, that makes so much sense! So it’s been David Blaine all along. And all of his forty-two years he has had time to fine tune and perfect his magical mischief! Maybe David Blaine could use some intelligent demolition to make the hurricanes that plague the gulf coast disappear. There would be plenty of people who would appreciate that. Could it be possible that David Blaine took the air out of the Patriots’ footballs by using “intelligent deflation?” Tom Brady needs to tell Roger Goodell about “intelligent demolition.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. BTW..what global calamity is Criss Angel responsible for, apart from that awful Cirque du Soleil show that my spouse & I shelled out $300 bucks for??? Hmmm….may have answered my own question. Or maybe he’s behind global warming.

    Liked by 1 person

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