Seafood Slinging Fashionistas Make Unreasonable Demands Of East Houma Residents.

seago seafood 1

Artie and Belinda didn’t set out to make the barefoot, spaghetti-strapped strumpets of Grand Caillou contemplate their fire-burning afterlives, but that’s exactly what happened when their business implemented a puritanical dress code.

Belinda, known for her loud, floral-print blouses that would have gotten her stoned for harlotry in the Old Testament, regularly heaps morality judgments upon the bare-shouldered sinners who wander their depraved souls into her temple of chaste commerce. Sea-Go Seafood might serve the same shellfish that the bible forbids, but they won’t accept the filthy lucre of halter-top hussies who want to dine on it.

Artie, known for his endless array of dazzling plaid button downs, is more visual than verbal when voicing his distaste for the transgressing wrongdoers that fracture his clothing commandments. Morality has no nuance or context when it comes to fashion. There is no gray area inside of Sea-Go Seafood. It’s all black and white. Artie eloquently expresses this philosophy via his footwear, as his┬ájet-black socks tastefully contrast with┬áthe brilliant white of his sneakers.

sea go seafood finger

(Artie, pictured above, majestically dressed as he ushers another reprobate woman from his establishment.)

Many people defend Sea-Go’s right to run their business as they see fit, especially since the clothing commandments are clearly posted. But the problem is, 71% of east side residents are illiterate. Many unwitting patrons stroll into the store expecting a completely normal experience but instead receive the news that their cleavage makes them unfit to purchase seafood…or enter the kingdom of heaven.

This seems like a terrible business model. A study conducted by The Push Pole found that 84% of people who purchase crawfish were either showing shoulder, toe, or belly button during the time of the transaction. This policy eliminates many customers from patronizing Sea-Go. It would be the equivalent of gas stations only selling Mad Dog 20/20 to people with all of their teeth.

Advertisements

33 thoughts on “Seafood Slinging Fashionistas Make Unreasonable Demands Of East Houma Residents.

  1. This God fearing business man that wont tolerate a bare shoulder, but has no problem flipping the bird which is sign language for the one of the most nasty word in our language…Is he Godly, or your typical hypocrite…just saying

    Liked by 1 person

      • Sunny Pierre of Houma…thank you.

        I’ll await your reply about the east side Houma residents with a claimed 71% illiteracy rate.

        Thank you…

        Like

      • Sunny has now given us permission to use the photo, and we highly doubt anyone believes the east side of Houma has a 71% illiteracy rate. This is a satirical website, and we poke fun at many regions in South Louisiana, and today was East Houma’s turn. We sincerely hope nobody believes that statistic! It his completely made up and highly inflated. This isn’t Berwick we are talking about.

        Like

  2. God fearing ha that’s a laugh seago in houma is people who are liers and cheaters from their under size crabs to their dead crawfish to lieing about the weight of the sacks of crawfish so I say maybe practice what you preach …people have the right to run their business the way they want but not cheat their patrons it’s about time people see what they are about …again ha

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Doesn’t allow men to wear shorts into establishment.

    Doesn’t tolerate profanity within establishment.

    Flips off a customer from storefront while wearing shorts.

    Hope they’re ready to retire.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The woman’s clothing was not at all unsuitable she was not showing anything and also in the bible it says you not suppose to swear like they were I’m a Christian but not a perfect one and I clearly see no wrong in that lady’s clothing JUST SAYING!!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Not a good idea to rate the People of this Community as 71% illiterate. Not good…at all..these people are the subject of the article and We the people of the Community of Terrebonne Parish request a formal appology. We the Eastside Illiterate People as you put it are offended by your unappropriate use of classification. We are business owners as well and pay taxes and have Higher Education Values than you as a journalist. Go back to school because you are NOW the ILLITERATE ONE in this situation!

    Like

  6. A formal apology…from a satirical website…about a completely made up fact…that’s something you think will make your life better? That’s the funniest thing I’ve read today
    .

    Like

  7. Their sign clearly and unequivocally FORBIDS SHOES on the premises! Yet that jezebel walked in their seafood store wearing shoes! She deserved to be kicked out!!!!

    Like

  8. u forgot to put on he sign “20 lbs crawfish for $29.99 with 10 lbs that were dead before boiling and 10 lbs spoiled from being boiled 5 days ago

    Like

  9. Rather this is a true story or not, these people are A holes, years back my cousin was refused service because the women didn’t approve of my female cousin outfit, which was shorts, T-shirt and sandals. So I haven’t walked into or purchased anything from those sorry MF’s ever since.

    Like

    • Jesus always had open toe sandals. That’s all they had. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wearing them. We’re simply doing what Jesus did.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Wow, “71% of east side residents are illiterate” what a statement. I think that statement is worst than the article in question.

    Like

  11. Wow really!? & how are these morans still in business!? They have a problem with the way GROWN WOMEN choose to dress themselves but have absolutely NO problem flipping his middle finger which is very disrespectful! Being from the East side of Houma myself, I find this VERY offensive. Which is why these people or their business has NEVER seen a dollar of my money and never will! & if 71% of the residents on the east side are so illiterate then why put a business right smack in the middle of a town of the residents that yal look down upon?! They call themselves God fearing people. Well I call them HYPOCRITES!!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s