In a surprising move, Charter Communications purchased Time Warner for 55 billion dollars. This was devastating news for the unlucky Americans living within their service areas.
The move allows the customer service departments of these media conglomerates to merge into one soul-destroying, life-draining entity that the world has never seen.
Charter Communications has amassed decades of experience when it comes to lying to the public, employing bait and switch tactics, and up-selling useless packages to the elderly and ignorant.
Time Warner has mastered the delicate art of frustrating incompetence. There is a complex system in place that consists of confusing billing practices, decoy appointment times, and incomprehensible language barriers designed to guide the customer into a state of hysterical despair.
Fun Fact: 63 Time Warner customer service associates have actually been convicted of assisted suicide.
The Push Pole called the offices of Charter-Time Warner to verify the merger, and after being on hold for 40 minutes, we were finally able to speak to a representative. We were repeatedly instructed to unplug our modem a dozen times before we could ask any questions. Two days later, a service agent made his way into our utility closet and installed a land line that we now have a two-year contract for. On the plus side, we also get ESPN 14, which is just security footage of two adult males playing tetherball in an unknown warehouse.