Blue Bell CEO Recalls That Time Everyone Got Sick, Laughs To Himself.

bluebell ceo

Brenham, TX – Paul Kruse leaned back in his office chair, stared out over that dusty Texas skyline, and quietly laughed as he recalled the time all those people almost died from eating ice cream.

Listeria,” he thought, “what even is that? It sounds like a mouthwash…or a flower…or a first grader with a hard life ahead of her. It doesn’t sound like some killer disease. I can’t believe this is really happening to me. I have the worst luck.”

When Paul Kruse took the CEO position at Blue Bell, he thought he would spend his time kicking ass and sampling ice cream. Well guess what, he’s all out of ice cream (the ice cream is poison now). These days, Kruse is solving the Listeria problem with his trusty flamethrower, laughing maniacally as he turns his creameries into crematoriums.

blue bell creamery

As the empire that cookie dough built turns to ashes, Kruse can’t help but chuckle. His laughter is all that he has left. “Everyone knows ice cream slowly kills people,” he smirked, “I guess we just sped up the process.”

blue bell listeria flavor

The FDA has demanded that Blue Bell change its labels

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