Welder Fired From Bollinger Shipyard For Listening To Soft Rock


Wallace Duplantis, with hardhat in hand, is shamefully banished from Bollinger forever

Lockport, LA – Wallace Duplantis was summarily dismissed from Bollinger after being caught listening to Magic 101.9 while on the job.

Mr. Duplantis claimed that he couldn’t run a smooth bead without the soft melodies of Brian Adams and Sting serenading him throughout his day. Unfortunately, company policy clearly states that no soft rock is allowed on the premises.

shipyard rules

Ben Bordelon, Bollinger CEO, issued this statement:

“At Bollinger, we offer a diverse variety of acceptable music. Unfortunately, soft rock is not one of them. Employees are permitted to listen to classic rock or hard rock. We can even tolerate rap-rock variations like Linkin Park or Limp Biscuit, but anything softer than that is unapproved.”

Classically trained welders believe that the hardness of the music tends to translate into hardness in the weld; therefore, anyone listening to soft rock is probably going to produce a brittle, soft weld.

Mr Duplantis was interviewed by The Push Pole after being fired. He tearfully exclaimed, “Every breath I take and every move I make is for welding. I guess this is the end of the road, and I can’t let go. I’m not going to give up. I’m going to try and try and try again. That’s what Pink would do.”

6 thoughts on “Welder Fired From Bollinger Shipyard For Listening To Soft Rock

  1. I guess he couldn’t get full penetration without it. I guess with Heavy Metal he’d get a burn through. Lord knows what he would get with Rap. Maybe Inadequate Penetration or non fusion from all from jumping around.


    • Oh no chuck, everything here is just satire, although at times it can seem crazy enough to be true. Most welders we know rock out pretty hard, so the image of a guy listening to Brian Adams while welding was pretty funny, even funnier if he got kicked out the yard for his taste in music too.


  2. That’s why I quit Bollinger Fourchon. To many people with their own rules. Hope they like paying for what I did for free as a crane operator. What a joke. Lol


  3. My heart goes out to Wallace Duplantis! But we are a nation of laws! Wallace knew the rules. Everyone knows that ignorance of the law, or the rules, is no excuse. Wallace wasn’t ignorant; he chose to ignore “No Soft Rock Ever!” Alas, poor Wallace made his choice. When will we learn that there are consequences to our actions, and choices. I recently heard that Wallace is now fervently listening to the harder forms of rock in an attempt to weld his mind to heavy metal. Good luck, Wallace. If you persevere, you will prevail. Weld Wallace, weld!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s