Rebellious crawfish-boil enthusiast survives after eating “the straight ones”
A young and foolhardy crawfish-boil fan narrowly avoided a trip to the undertaker after ignoring his nanny’s warnings not to eat “the straight ones.”
Students At Nicholls State Can Now Major In Student Loan Collections
With student loan debt at over 1.2 trillion dollars, the nation is in need of qualified, educated debt collectors who can recoup these funds from children who were gullible enough to believe that a college degree would get them a job that paid a living wage.
Breaking Trade Analysis: Saints Deal High Flying Power Forward Jimmy Graham
This Afternoon, the Saints traded their best dunker for one of those husky players who shoots the ball out his butt every play. This comes to the displeasure of many Saints fans, especially after they released the 15 yard screen pass from their offense last week.
Louisiana’s Coastline Pays Homage To French Heritage By Retreating
In a touching display of solidarity with French history over the last century, Louisiana’s coastline has been retreating at the rate of one football field every hour. That’s almost faster than the Nazis could advance in WWII.
Redneck Transformer Aggressively Asks Facebook Why There Isn’t A Truck History Month
Snuffatron, the nation’s most outspoken redneck Transformer has been petitioning social media for the creation of a truck history month.
Tiger Drive Bridge Scheduled To Close For Routine Maintenance From Now Until September 2018
The entirety of city hall, unable to contain their glee with continuously closing this major artery for no apparent reason, gathered together to pose behind a sign informing the public of this major inconvenience.
As Oil Prices Approach Record Lows, Nation’s Dinosaurs Experience Feelings Of Worthlessness
“Are we worth anything?” asked Nate Horner, a Triceratops from South Dakota. “It’s just heartbreaking that 55 gallons of decaying, organic slurry from my ancestors is worth about as much as a night out at Applebees.”
Rouses Epicurean Wins National Award For Grocery Store With Most Shoppers In Gym Clothes
On most days, around 35 percent of shoppers are in tank tops and yoga pants, pretending to flex nonchalantly as they inspect produce or study nutritional value on packaging.
Watch What Happens When A Microchip From A Roomba Is Placed Into A Self Driving Car
First responders say that despite four flat tires, an overheated engine, and two deployed airbags, the self-driving car weakly rocked back and forth inside the flaming graveyard of bent metal and primordial screams.
Study Shows Most Sex Offenders Actually Root For Cops On Law & Order SVU.
The American Psychiatry Association conducted a poll and found that 83% of sex offenders surprisingly want televised perverts to be caught and punished.
THE PUSH POLE 