A young and foolhardy crawfish-boil fan narrowly avoided a trip to the undertaker after ignoring his nanny’s warnings not to eat “the straight ones.”
With student loan debt at over 1.2 trillion dollars, the nation is in need of qualified, educated debt collectors who can recoup these funds from children who were gullible enough to believe that a college degree would get them a job that paid a living wage.
This Afternoon, the Saints traded their best dunker for one of those husky players who shoots the ball out his butt every play. This comes to the displeasure of many Saints fans, especially after they released the 15 yard screen pass from their offense last week.
In a touching display of solidarity with French history over the last century, Louisiana’s coastline has been retreating at the rate of one football field every hour. That’s almost faster than the Nazis could advance in WWII.
Snuffatron, the nation’s most outspoken redneck Transformer has been petitioning social media for the creation of a truck history month.
The entirety of city hall, unable to contain their glee with continuously closing this major artery for no apparent reason, gathered together to pose behind a sign informing the public of this major inconvenience.
“Are we worth anything?” asked Nate Horner, a Triceratops from South Dakota. “It’s just heartbreaking that 55 gallons of decaying, organic slurry from my ancestors is worth about as much as a night out at Applebees.”
On most days, around 35 percent of shoppers are in tank tops and yoga pants, pretending to flex nonchalantly as they inspect produce or study nutritional value on packaging.
First responders say that despite four flat tires, an overheated engine, and two deployed airbags, the self-driving car weakly rocked back and forth inside the flaming graveyard of bent metal and primordial screams.
The American Psychiatry Association conducted a poll and found that 83% of sex offenders surprisingly want televised perverts to be caught and punished.