Washington D.C. – What started out as an act of kindness turned into utter disaster for Senator David Vitter. In an attempt to end bi-partisan bickering, he gave Senator Elizabeth Warren a beautiful, flowering hyacinth from his home state of Louisiana.

She put the flower in water, placed it on her desk, and left for the weekend. When the Senate reconvened on Monday morning, all hell had broken loose. The hyacinth had grown exponentially and clogged the entire legislative branch of the government, making it impossible to introduce bills, call each other names, or even accept bribes money from lobbyists.

Experts are saying the gridlock will take months to clear, maybe years. Top Washington think tanks have proposed that nutria rats be brought in from Terrebonne Parish to eat away at these invasive plants that are clogging our avenues for change. It will be a difficult task, as this invasive species of suffocating vegetation has already put down a complex latticework of roots and is thriving in the capitol’s environment, which is rich in fertilizer and filled with hot air.