For years, Naegleria Fowleri, better known as “brain eating amoebas” have plagued Mississippi’s water distribution system. Finally, it looks like these dangerous organisms have been eliminated.
Joan Bagwell, Director of the CDC, issued a statement saying that scientists have discovered that all brain eating amoebas have been completely eradicated from Mississippi due to inadequate food supply. “Quite frankly,” Bagwell said, “these organisms aren’t finding any brains to eat in Mississippi, and the ones they are finding severely lack nutrients. It seems like Mississippi has nothing to worry about….except of course infant mortality, hypertension, lack of medical facilities, and a number of other self-inflicted hazards.”
Governor Phil Bryant quickly took credit for the findings, stating that his, “Tough on Brain Eating Amoebas” campaign has frightened and intimidated the “small, cowardly creatures.” Even with Naegleria Fowleri completely eliminated, Governor Bryant did not want to take any chances. He introduced a bill that would “make it illegal to be a brain eating amoeba in Mississippi.” Anyone caught harboring or aiding these organisms would also be subject to up to three hundred years in prison.