The American Psychiatry Association conducted a poll and found that 83% of sex offenders surprisingly want televised perverts to be caught and punished.

Convicted public masturbater, Gilbert McKay, weighed in:

“I know they are on the wrong side of the law, but I can’t help but root for Detectives Benson and Stabler. I mean, you see the struggles they go through. The trials and tribulations of the job reveal their vulnerabilities. You realize, episode after episode, they’re people too. At the end of the day, you empathize with them. You want them to succeed. Empathy is a very human emotion; it transcends my unquenchable desire to furiously masturbate in a shopping mall fountain with impunity.”

This phenomenon is hardly new,” explains Dr. Ernest Givens, “it’s even common practice for law-abiding citizens to identify with criminals they might see on TV or movies. Everyone hopes Robert Di Nero escapes in Heat? Do you think there is a person alive who wants Morgan Freeman thrown back in jail at the end of Shawshank Redemption for breaking parole? Pervs are just like the rest of us. Even the filthiest seat-sniffing subway flasher is susceptible to the charms of Christopher Meloni.”