Gulf of Mexico’s Dead Zone Now Predominately Consists of Bobby Jindal’s Soul

After Governor Jindal gutted Louisiana’s education system, healthcare network, and state worker’s benefits, he also found time to somehow run a deficit and bankrupt the state coffers. In the midst of these actions, his soul slowly started to slough off, peeling away like rotting flesh. Jindal’s decaying soul found its way into the state’s waterways, distributing his toxic, useless essence into the environment.

jindalsoul

Marine Biologists at LSU recently discovered that the Gulf of Mexico’s Dead Zone contains Bobby Jindal levels reaching over 900 parts per million. Jindal, rich in ammonia and phosphates, (compounds abundantly found in human waste) feeds algae and bacteria that reproduce rapidly, depleting oxygen levels. This process has turned over 5,000 square miles of water just off of Louisiana’s coast into a desolate wasteland. Political analysts now agree that with the entirety of Jindal’s soul now in the Dead Zone, he stands a better chance with his Presidential campaign.

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